Knowing when Couples Therapy could help in your relationship.
As a San Diego Couples Therapist, I’m often asked by people in my life, how to know when it’s time to start therapy with your partner. Every relationship is different and the priorities in a committed relationship are unique to each couple. While all relationships have seasons that feel incredibly close AND seasons that are difficult, if you’re feeling things are off in your relationship but aren’t sure it warrants the need for couples therapy, read on for some clues that it’s time to invest!
When conversations seem to circle back to the same topic - the mental load or household tasks, the frequency of intimacy, parenting strategies, time spent together or apart, etc.
If you continue to land in the same place and are unable to communicate about a particular issue or topic without one person giving in or shutting down, working with an experienced couples therapist can help you get underneath the pattern and make sense of where you’re getting stuck so you can move past it. Working with an EFT Couples Therapist can help you break free from the problematic patterns in your relationship.
You’ve just encountered a big life change and your relationship feels like it’s taking a back seat - this could a postpartum experience, becoming a caregiver for aging parents, making a career change or taking on a larger role at work.
Big changes for one or both people in the relationship will almost always rock the boat. Sometimes with major life transitions, a focus shift is needed for a time but if that shift has left your relationship behind for more than a short time, it can feel tricky to feel close to your partner again. A relationship therapist can help you talk with your partner about how the change has impacted you individually and how you’ve noticed the relationship change as a result of that. A couples therapist can also help you discover new rhythms for connection that work for your relationship now.
You’ve experienced emotional infidelity or betrayal - you saw the text messages or emails, or your partner confessed that they went outside of the relationship.
Anytime the relationship starts to move outside the agreed upon boundaries, it’s a painful process to move forward. Some couples need to decide whether they can move forward together and other couples want to heal but have no idea how to start. A couples therapist can work with partners who need to discern whether they are able to move forward together and for those who decide to move forward, work through the distress from the betrayal to find closeness and healing.
You’re considering taking your relationship to the next level - you’ve been together for a while and want to make sure you’re in the right place before you move in together or get engaged.
A couples therapist can guide you through topics that you’ll likely come across at some point in your future relationship to explore whether you’re in enough alignment to take the next step in your relationship.
Your relationship has experienced a trauma or loss - a miscarriage or failed IVF cycles, loss of a family member, serious illness or injury of one partner or someone close to you, or the realization of a family secret.
Sometimes, the relationship isn’t difficult because of your commitment to one another, but because the impact another event has had on your relationship. Couples in therapy together can learn how to navigate the fallout of trauma or loss in a meaningful way with the help of a therapist.
While the topics mentioned aren’t a complete list, if it feels like one lands with you, it might be time to speak with a couples therapist! Working with a relationship therapist is NOT a sign of failure in your relationship. Working with a couples therapist is a sign your relationship is important to you and that you’re interested in investing deeper into it.
If you’re ready to invest deeper into your relationship, I’d love to work with you. San Diego Couples can schedule a free consultation to meet in Bankers Hill at my office and California Couples looking for EFT Couples Therapy can contact me for a free consultation to work together virtually.