Micro-habits to adopt to feel less overwhelmed in motherhood.
Small things can add up to feeling out of control. Starting small, you can take steps to avoid feeling totally overwhelmed.
We’ve all been there - starting at a sink overflowing with dishes, laundry that’s been waiting 3 days to be folded, and a dog who’s eyes remind you they haven’t been on a walk yet this week. You need to get out the door to a kids’ sports practice because if they don’t run off their energy on the field, it will be laps around your house at bedtime. It all feels overwhelming - the getting everyone out the door on time AND the never ending list.
Motherhood often feels more like the Motherload. The unending demands to keep everything running while also somehow being the place everyone lands when things fall apart. There are days that ask for everything we can give and then some. If we’re not thoughtful in considering our own self-care, the burnout and rage start to show up.
By the time mothers are raging or burnt out, they’ve already been overwhelmed for a long time, its just been hidden or overlooked.
More on mom rage later… I’ve got plenty to say on that topic. If you’re a San Diego or California-based mom already raging, let’s talk. I can help.
For now, let’s look at some micro-habits that can help counter that feeling of overwhelm as it starts to show up in your daily life.
Micro-habits are small, manageable actions that you already know you can do. They are the snowball that gives us momentum to do bigger things. Below are 3 micro-habits that can have a big impact in your ability to manage the overwhelm and prevent burnout and rage.
Micro-habits to feel less overwhelmed:
Do a quick check in with your body. Think about the point in your day that often feels the most overwhelming to you - the next time you’re at that point of the day, do a quick scan of your physical self. Are you hungry, thirsty, in pain, or exhausted? Do you notice your body buzzing with anxiety or your heart starting to pound? Your body often has something to tell us if we’re willing to listen. Checking in with your body is a way of collecting information that can be the first step in understanding what’s really going on inside.
If you’re able to respond in the moment, do it. Get a glass of water, eat a snack or do a quick stretch to literally help your body feel better. Notice your heart-rate speeding? Try a deep breathing exercise.
If you can’t respond in the moment, just make a note. You’re collecting data, but also acknowledging what’s happening in the moment for yourself. Sometimes, even being aware of how your body is responding to stress is enough to provide some relief.
TIP: If you’re often on the move, keep a jug of water, protein bars, and sweatshirt/jacket in your car or bag. You’re probably already packing a diaper bag or sports gear and snacks for your kids - make it a habit to pack a few items for yourself as well.
Get outside for a few minutes. Even if you only have a few minutes, walk, stand, sit outside everyday. Do it without headphones and pay attention to what it feels and sounds like to be outside. Nature is incredibly grounding and healing. Taking the time to get outside is like resetting your nervous system.
If you have a baby and are able to, get out your baby carrier or stroller and walk around the block together. Movement can be soothing to baby AND helps lower cortisol for you. You don’t need an hour - sometimes just a 5-10 minute walk can be enough.
Have older kids? Get them outside in the places you like to be outside. Love the beach? Great - pack some snacks, towels and sunscreen and get everyone to the sand. If you are looking forward to being somewhere, you’re more likely to get there than if you’re dreading it. Accept that it will be messy but worth it. If you’re spending your afternoons or evenings on the sidelines of a field or court, take advantage and get a walk in while they’re being coached.
TIP: If you are a new mom, it can feel like a lot of work to get yourself and a tiny baby somewhere. Start small - walk outside to get the mail with your baby, or put a blanket on the grass in your yard/balcony or a nearby park. If getting outside with your baby feels overwhelming, ask a partner or close friend to come with you. Practice getting outside.
Connect with someone. Motherhood (or the Motherload) can feel overwhelming and can get lonely when you’re not connected with other adults. Whether its your partner, friends, or your neighbors, connecting with someone at some point each day is so important. We need other people to help us co-regulate and while it may feel vulnerable, we need people to know us!
It can be easy to get lost in the tasks of caring for other people without actually connecting with anyone. Take a few minutes to check in with a friend (not your kid’s-friend’s-mom, unless you’re actually friends) or say hello to that parent on same soccer team. If you don’t yet have friends in a similar season of life, it can be a great time to meet some new adults - consider joining a breastfeeding group or postpartum support group. Attend story time at your local library to meet other parents.
It can be especially lonely when you and your partner aren’t connected and you’re deep in the overwhelm of motherhood. If you and your partner are open to it, see if you can sit down and just reflect on the experience of parenthood at this moment. No blaming, just “I statements” about how you feel and where you’re feeling stuck. If your attempts to connect keep getting stuck, find a couples therapist or other helper to work through those topics that are difficult.
TIP: Social media offers a sense of pseudo-relationships but isn’t the same as actually being known and knowing others. If you find yourself relating to others on social media but difficulty making friends in real life, it may help to start swapping some of your social media time for screen-free community time. Take a book to a local coffee shop and make eye contact with someone else. Try an extra class at your gym or an art studio. Volunteer with other adults at your kids’ school or in the community.
The micro-habits above won’t change things overnight, but they could go a long way to helping you feel less overwhelmed in the long-run. By starting to check in with your body, get outside, and connect with other people, you begin small steps moving towards a life that feels less overwhelming AND pick up some important skills that you can use for those days that everything goes off the rails.
If it feels like you could use more help getting started with any of these micro-habits, please let me know! I’d love to help or connect you with support!